My Five Rules

Back in the day I had these five rules for anyone that I could be interested in or date. They were:


1. A valid driver’s license. I refuse to be the one to drive someone else around because they could not control themselves with alcohol or so many road rage incidents that they are a danger to others on the road.

2. A job. I try not to be too particular about what that job is, but the guy must have one in order to even be considered. Go ahead, be a circus clown if that makes you happy and you can pay your bills. Who am I to judge on that aspect?

3. No penguins. By this I mean that he cannot physically look like a penguin. Sorry, I’m a bit superficial this way. Or maybe completely superficial. Whatever.

4. No penny loafers. You may laugh or joke, but this fashion trait is truly indicative of a deeper personality flaw. Ok, I guess if this was the last piece of the puzzle to a great guy I might be able to bend a little, but it would require them finding new shoes quickly and disposing of the offending pair.

5. Must love sports. I do not mean the general “sports are cool” attitude, but a deep appreciation for the fact that there will be days I will stay home and watch the game instead of doing other things. It is even better if he has some borderline obsession with a team/sport. I’d like him to be a stereotypical male in this respect.

I’m thinking I need to revise them a bit and lower my standards (I know, how much freaking lower can they get but really, it’s that damn difficult). I mean, I never thought that I’d have to add a rule since, well, five is a nice number, but who knew. I thought it was a nice, common practice to return e-mails/phone calls/text messages but apparently it’s ok to let them languish for days. Days! Then again, if EVERYONE is doing it, can I really make it a rule that if you don’t respond within a certain timeframe you’re done? Ugh. This whole thing just stinks. So, do I add a rule or go back to my tried and true five? Thoughts?