Hate the Game not the Player Sucks

The above statement is one of my all time most hated. My thing is that this all shouldn’t be a game in the first place. Life is not rocket science and we spend too much time focusing on things that should be easy and we just keep making them harder. While I may sound slightly hypocritical, hear me out.

Last night I was having an interesting conversation with my neighbor about the whole guy/girl dynamic and how things could be settled a lot easier if other people just made our moves and decisions for us (clearly I am incapable of running my own life but I blame societal pressures and antiquated gender roles for that one. And my own inadequacy is a post for a whole other time). I countered that this particular subject shouldn’t be a game and that we have conditioned ourselves over the years to accept that it has to be and that we don’t question because of our fear.

Think about it: we’re taught from the time that we know what the “normal” boy/girl dynamic is that being up front and honest and using our words isn’t the way to go. On the playground it is pulling ponytails then notes with checkboxes then in high school we get the three day rule and guys just ignoring girls so they know they like them and, as jacked up as it sounds, like them more. It’s a game before we even really know that we are playing.

Fast forward to being “adults” and it is even worse. We don’t say things because we’re told that we shouldn’t put ourselves out there too much since fear has conditioned us to think that the worst is going to happen (and yes, sometimes it does but how many times would things work out if we just said what we were really thinking????). We play the game because we don’t think there is any other way to get around it because, some of my other least favorite words, that’s the way it’s always been.

And then there’s the fear that we are too pushy or too needy or might seem like some random “something” that will be a turn off? Um, they are talking to us in the first place so that should be a sign (I know, I KNOW) that they are at least slightly interested and don’t think of us as heinous toads. Yet we ignore all these things and the feeling in our gut that gives us the good butterflies and fall prey to the game.

But why does it have to be like this? Why is it a game? Having feelings for someone is supposed to be a good thing and while yes I realize it doesn’t always work out, it is normal, natural and damnit a lot of fun to be in a relationship with someone. Feelings aren’t logical or quantitative or even really measurable so why do we put rules on them and make a game out of them? Liking someone is a mutually beneficial arrangement and we make it in to a big production. I get it, no one likes rejection (hence the fear thing) but if we didn’t put rules on it maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to say to someone and paralyze us so that we don’t even try half the time.

Do I have a great answer for this other than “don’t let it be a game”? No, but I sure as hell wish more people felt that way about it.