My Shower is Bipolar*

When I moved to my new apartment last fall there were few things that I was really looking for. Example: it had to have central air conditioning (you’d be amazed at how many places do not), good closet space and preferably more than one bathroom. I’m pretty simple when it comes to these things. Notice that kitchen space isn’t on here because who are we kidding, I don’t cook.

At any rate, I found my complex through a friend and as it met all the main criteria plus some, I was sold. At that point it didn’t take much to sell me as it was also cheaper than my old place and with better windows but not the point. I should have looked a tad closer at the shower though.

First, the showerhead looks like something from an institution. Plain steel color with an area about the size of a quarter to let water out. Huh? They tell me it is a water-saving shower head. I say it is ugly and cheap. Perhaps I was spoiled by the nice showerhead at my old place but I like having the ability to take it off the wall (it’s helpful in things like cleaning and dyeing hair). No worries, I’d just change it. Um except that goes against my lease. Huh part 2.

Now comes the truly bipolar part. There are two settings: scald your skin hot or freeze your ass cold. The middle ground has yet to be found and I’ve been here since November. Oh, and it will change on you halfway through. You think you might actually be getting to a point where it is nice and bearable and BAM! It changes on you. This is not a nice thing when you are shaving and all of a sudden you can’t feel the back of your legs anymore and your skin is sliding down the drain since it’s been seared off.

You turn around (well jump really) and adjust the cold water. About three seconds later you’re looking for penguins as it is now frigid. Let me tell you that it is more than a little hard to shave when you have icicles forming on your fingers and the razorblade is about to crack from cold.

I haven’t found the way around this yet but I’m going to keep working at it. They have “whisperers” for everything else, think I can get my shower some therapy?


*In no way am I mocking any person who is bipolar. This post was meant in jest and not applicable to human beings.